Processing...

Wow! What a week! Camp ministry is something. We were at Camp Okatoks this week. We were co-counseling and taking care of the chapels so it was a full plate. I learned a few things about myself and about camp ministry. Firstly, that it is not the thing I feared all year. It's hard; don't get me wrong. I hate disciplining kids and trying to be their mom as well as their friend and spiritual mentor. It's a lot to do. I wouldn't mind the other two roles if not for the mom part. However, despite the fatigue and difficulty, I enjoyed it very much. I had a good cabin of boys and I felt like I connected to most of them well.

With discipline, I discovered that it keeps me up at night. You see, night time was one of the primary times when I had to be mean and threaten consequences if they refused to be quiet and go to sleep. I feel very bad after I threaten and I am kept awake thinking about the times during the day when I should have been softer or harder on them just as much as I am kept awake by the heat in our very warm cabin.

I also re-discover that I a selfish person. You see, as a counselor, I am required to be a good example to campers. I must be kind when they are unkind. I must be cheerful when they are complaining, which really does happen a lot. I must be very godly and perfect. I am tired of this by the end of one week. 1 hour after my campers leave, I whine about the weather. How ironic.

I realize that the campers are not any worse than me because they bicker with each other and complain about every activity and every other boys cabin. You see, I have been thinking these same thoughts all week. I have simply learned not to say what I think because it is rude and I'm supposed to be a good example. These children have not yet learned to resist speaking their mind; they are transparent. I shared with one of my boys that I am an awful person; just as bad as those rebellious guys in the next cabin. I am not rebellious and disrespectful to my leaders, but I think angry, dark thoughts a countless points in the day. After I restrain these thoughts for one blasted, miserable week, I want to blow. I feel justified in this. I am not.

I'd recommend camp ministry to anyone who is not faint of heart. You don't have to be good with kids (don't feel like I am) but you have to be tough enough to fail and keep rolling with the punches. It will change you.